Miss You So Much
by Miyuki Hamasaki
Summary: Sequel to 'Like Roses, Life Has Its Thorns' Continued on because I'm still in a sappy mood.. TT_TT R&R plz!!!!!!


Miyuki Hamasaki: I've got a ear infection and I happen to be staying home right now from school... Anyways, my sappy mood is still with me (slightly) and so I decided to write a sequal to 'Like Roses, Life Has Its Thorns'! Most of this fanfic is about how Sakura is living after Syaoran left her... Anyways, I should stop writing and start working on the story or else I'll get nothing done before my Doctor's Appointment.  
  
"....." Talk  
'.....' Thoughts  
~*~*~*~*~ Change Scene   
*.....* Actions  
~..... POV~ Someone's POV  
~......~ Place  
~~~~~~~~~~ After or something like that  
(A/N ........) Author's Note which means I'm talking  
(......) Whoever's POV it is, the person is either fixing something or WHATEVER!!! I forget what it's called at this moment...  
^On the last chapter^ I hope you know what THAT means  
  
Title: Miss You So Much  
Author: Miyuki Hamasaki  
Chapter 1  
  
Me as in alone... We as in together...  
  
Dear Syaoran,  
I miss you so much. I wish I could be in your arms right this moment. No, I wish I could be in your arms. But I know that'll never happen. Because you're gone. You've left me. I know you didn't mean to. When you were going through all that pain, I wanted you to leave me. Not that I didn't want you to stay. Every part of me was in pain when you were. My mind told me that I had to let you go. That you had to leave me. I didn't want you in pain. But my heart didn't want you to leave. My heart didn't want to leave. You know very well that my heart belonged and still belongs to you. After all those movies we watched together, all of them said 'Listen to your heart.' I wanted to. I really did. But if I listened to my heart, I know you still wouldn't be with me. I know that both ways - listening to my heart or my mind - you would have left me. Listening to my mind was easier for me, for your family, for our friends - for you. I didn't want you in pain. I did what felt like it was right - even though I didn't listen to my heart like all those movies told us.  
My life felt - and still does feel - so empty ever since the day you left me. Do you know, I'm sure you do, that even though I never send these letter I write to you, whenever I put them away, I feel this warm and happy feeling in my body and it's almost like you replyed to me. I try to live my life to the fullest, to the max. I've tried everything to get over your death. To forget it. To never think of that day again. But I know it won't help. Soon or later, a thundering lighting of guilty will strike me. But that's not a bad thing. Because you're on my mind 24/7. Maybe even a million/7 if possible. My friends - no, our friends - have tried to get me to date other guys. You have no idea how hard they try. I appreaciate them doing this - to help me get over you and stop being depressed. I saw how hurt they looked when I refused, so since then, I've painted myself over and over again. Layers and layers of paint cover my true feelings up now. I'm glad to see that it make our friends happier. Underneath all that coats of paint, I'm still depressed. Feeling sad. I think our friends have gotten too used to my coats, for I'm afraid I'll make them sad once I take off all these coats to reveal myself and my true feelings. For now, I'll have to get used to these. Maybe soon, one by one, I can take them off... Take it slowly. And if I reveal too much of myself, I shall use my paintbrush to paint thick layers of colorful paint all over myself again. I should get going now, to get ready for school. I wish we could be getting ready for school. Not just me. Me as in alone. We as in together. Me...  
Love you to the fullest, Sakura  
  
I stopped writing. I signed my name quickly, but carefully, in my best writing possible and looked at it for a while. Then I sighed, and put down my pencil. I missed Syaoran so much. It had been 4 and a half year since you've left. Everything seemed so different. When you left, it's like the Sun went down. To never return again. In other people's eyes, they see they Sun, shining brightly, covering them with warm golden coats. Not me. I don't see the Sun anymore. I wish I could. I folded the letter softly and reached under my bed. I looked around to make sure that Kero didn't see me. I sighed quietly and slowly took out my box. To most people, it looked like a normal, brown box. But nobody would know how much the things inside the box meant to me. I opened the box to reveal a bunch of pictures of Syaoran and me, together.   
'Me... as in alone...' I thought of what I wrote. 'We... as in together....' I felt the tears trying to push their ways out. But I wouldn't allow them to. I couldn't. I haven't cried about Syaoran since I cried an ocean for a week after that day. I won't allow myself to cry anymore. Not after what happened. I picked up the pictures, put them in order, and put them in the corner of the box. Then, I found a bunch of letter I wrote to Syaoran. I looked at them, folded up and all. My hand slowly reached for one and my other hand helped rediscover what I wrote. I've been writing to Syaoran since the day he left. It somehow helped me. It was like he was with me. It was like he was looking at me with his amber eyes, nodding as my pencil was guiding the way. I turned to look at the clock. 6:45am. I've been waking up early to write these letters to Syaoran. Most people would be suspicious that I wake up early. Yep, me, the sleepy head. So usually, when I write the letters, I go back to bed, and stay in bed until the usual time that I used to wake up at, until Syaoran left. Those two words, Syaoran left. I keep saying them. Over and over again. I turned back to the box, and put everything back in. I closed the lid, and then slowly went back to bed. I pretended to be sleeping. But today, for some reason, I actually fell asleep. And in my dream, you were with me. A strange dream, but very comforting. We were in the clouds, running around, holding hands. When we got tired, we sat down and laughed together. Yes, together. Together as in we, or us. We quieted down and we looked up. We looked at each other in the eyes. I looked at your amber eyes... just looking at them made me feel comftorble. I smiled. A true smile. Not one of those fake, cheery smiles that I throw at people these days. A real one that came from my heart. And this time, I can say from my heart because... I was with you. And you held my heart. I was with you, and my heart was with me. I didn't realize it but once I snapped out of staring at your eyes, we were so close, I could feel you breathing. When our lips touched, softly, I felt like I was in heaven. When we broke from our soft, passionate kiss, I opened my eyes to look at you. You smiled at me... and then I woke up. I know it doesn't sound like such a big thing, having Syaoran with me through a bunch of clouds, laughing together, kissing and smiling. But I couldn't describe it with words. It meant so much to me... But I woke up at 7:30.   
'Stupid clock...' I sighed as I got up and got dressed.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
~School~  
I rollerbladed to school. Yes, I. Not we. I as in by myself. We as in together. Before, before Syaoran passed away, I used to walk with Tori. But it's been 4 and a half year. Now in grade 9, graduating from Jr.High soon. I couldn't believe I made it through all this. I couldn't believe everybody made it to this stage, especially when I was with them, just slowing them down. They dragged me all the way to this level.... because they cared. I sighed as I saw my friends. I blinked and threw 'Hello' to them and flashed a smile. A fake smile. I can't remember the last time I smiled... the last time I smiled a smile that was true.. not just to cover myself up and to make my friends feel better. I rollerbladed towards them and we headed for school together.  
___________________________________________________________  
Miyuki Hamasaki: Yahooo!! I'm done this chapter... I've already started on the second chapter.. NO MORE SCHOOL!!!!!! THIS RULESSSSS!!!! THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST SUMMER EVER!!! Don't mind my hyperness... ^^;;; bye bye! 


End file.
